Ending my marriage was one of the easiest and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I was determined to keep my life on track and get back to normal, just without my ex. Only a few short weeks after deciding to end my marriage, and before we had even filed paperwork, I started a new semester at school.
I filled my time with the same normal distractions of school, work, and activities that I had before. The first few days, I thought I was even doing ok, but of course that all came crashing down quickly. My first major setback was caused by a Business Statistics class. In my first attempt at doing homework for the class, I struggled and ending up having a complete meltdown. That’s ok I thought, I’m taking enough credits to just drop this class.
Unfortunately, despite my optimism and determination, things kept getting worse. Ron showed up at my work one afternoon wanting to talk. I wanted to get away from him and fortunately my shift was over. I walked out to my car and he continued to follow me. He jumped in his car and drove behind me for what seemed like forever. While he was still following me, I decided for some reason to just go to my apartment. As soon as I parked, he jumped out of his car and ran up to mine. He began banging on the windows, telling me to get out of the car. Somehow I was able to drive off again and I ended up driving straight to the police station and parking. Once he saw that he drove off and left me alone.
After two weeks of incidents like these, I realized I couldn’t handle life. I quickly packed up and moved back to Colorado with my parents. I spent a week or two sitting on the couch binge watching Grey’s Anatomy before picking myself back up again and getting a job. I spent the next few months working and trying to pull myself back together.
As the new semester approached, I decided I was at the point where I could handle going back to school. I wanted to finish my degree without any more setbacks.
I made the trek from Colorado to Idaho on a cold and snowy January day. I was alone and the roads were bad. It took me several hours longer than it should have to get there and I was in tears half the time, but I finally made it. I was finally in my new apartment, surrounded by other single girls and life was going to be great.
And that lasted for about five minutes. Turns out my ex was friends with the girls living above me and he had seen me moving in the night before. He showed at my door the next day. My roommate let me know a guy was here to see me and I immediately started freaking out. I didn’t have any friends and no one knew where I lived. As I walked out to the family room and saw his face, I froze. All of my roommates were in the kitchen and were watching our every move. Ron handed me a box of pictures and a bag of stuffed animals he had taken when we were moving out of our apartment. He said something to me about returning them, and then as he was leaving, turned to my roommates and said “never let me into this apartment again, that’s what she’s going to tell you.”
I wanted to go crawl under my covers and pretend none of it was happening, but my roommates were demanding an explanation. I had to tell them about our divorce and the whole situation. Fortunately, they were all nice about it and we were able to move on.
For the next two years, Ron and I had similar encounters. We worked in the same department at school, and often times I would see him, or at least hear him in the next room. Every Tuesday, we had a campus wide devotional, and he would sit near me. Not talking to me, but just close enough that I would know he was there. For two years, I constantly felt like I was never going to escape my past.
Sometimes I look back and am amazed I finished college. I was a complete mess most of the time, but somehow I just kept moving forward. I kept going to classes, working, and participating in activities. I was lucky enough to live with a few amazing girls and we had some really good times. Even though those two years were really tough, I wouldn’t trade the memories and the experiences of being a normal college girl for anything.
Weekend sweatshirt is from Ily Couture