As many people point out, online dating can be both good and bad. There are plenty of statistics showing that more people are meeting online and there are also plenty of opinions on what online dating is doing to our communication skills. With all of the technology these days, it’s easy to be connected to someone just through your phone. You meet up in a mutual location and you have no idea where people live or work, make it much easier to avoid that bad date you never want to see again. Blowing guys off has never been easier and it’s something I do more often than I like to admit. But every once in awhile, someone comes along to remind you that even Tinder guys have feelings.
I had a horrible dream one night. I had a friend (who I may or may not of wanted to be more than friends with) that I had been spending a lot of time with and then suddenly he stopped wanting to hang out and slowly stopped talking to me. I didn’t find out until probably a month later he had a girlfriend. In my dream, we were talking on Facetime. Only the connection was bad and I wasn’t able to hear him. I kept trying to ask him questions, and every time he was answering the call would cut out.
The next thing I knew, he was at my window. I was relieved because I thought he was finally going to give me the answers I needed, but instead he just kept saying he thought I was going to hit him. I repeatedly told him there was no way I could hurt him because I was so much smaller and weaker than him, but he was so convinced he brought bodyguards with him. Ten bodyguards started showing up one by one to protect him. I felt so confused, all I wanted was to talk. Finally his last bodyguard, his mom, showed up. She said that she needed to help protect him and then she pulled out a black bag and said she was going to put it over my face. I started flipping out saying I was claustrophobic and asking her not to, but she did and everything went black.
I woke up angry, upset, and went to work in the worst mood. Usually, I forget the specific details of my dreams pretty quickly, but this one was stuck in my head. Infact, I can still picture it to this day. I decided to chat with one of my coworkers about the dream and we spent a long time analyzing it. I went about my day frustrated and confused.
Then, later that evening, I got text. It was from this Tinder guy I had gone on a couple dates with and ended up blowing off. He said “Hey, did I turn you off somehow? Just curious because you kind of *POOF* disappeared.” It was a huge slap in the face for me. This guy had done nothing to deserve me blowing him off. I could have been honest with him when I realized I wasn’t interested, but instead I just didn’t respond to his texts.
He was looking for the same answers as I was looking for from my friend. His text quickly changed my angry and frustrated mood to guilt and self reflection. If I was ok with treating people badly, then why should I expect anything different from my friend. I spent so much time dating on Tinder to try and forget about my friend, that I didn’t realize I was hurting people just like I had been hurt.
It was hard for me to tell the Tinder guy that I wasn’t interested. But after we had a short conversation about what happened, we ended on good terms. I wasn’t able to get the answers or closure I needed that night with my friend, but I was able to give that closure to someone else and end my day on a high note.